These little bees landed on my desk when I wasn't looking...

Keep in mind during this next one, I am wearing a long black dress with a black witch's hat, and I'm carrying a broom...

Student: Mrs. B! Are you a witch?

Mrs. B: No. I didn't feel like dressing up today.

Student: But you're carrying a broom!

Mrs. B: It's my car. I rode it to school.

Today was our Halloween parade and party at school...

Kelsey: Look, Mrs. B., Trey is dressed as the devil!

Nick: Yeah, that makes sense.

I was working with a new group of students from another teacher's class...

Adrianne: Mrs. B, Serafina is chewing gum.

Mrs. B: Serafina, do you have gum in your mouth?

Serafina: No.

Mrs. B: Let me see. (She opens her mouth, no visible gum) I don't see any gum.

Adrianne: You better watch her...she lies.

Mrs. B: Well, it looks like in this case she isn't lying.

(Fast forward an hour and my regular class is back...)

Jayden: Ewwwwww! Someone stuck gum in my desk!!

Godzilla seems to be a theme this year...

Mrs. K, my mom, helps out in our class a lot. She also has a very strong understanding of the rules of grammar. We use her as a resource sometimes in class. Today she wasn't there...

Mrs. B: (while completing an editing assignment) ...so I think this is considered a new paragraph because even though the speaker is the same, there is a slight shift in subject. Yeah, let's call this a new paragraph.

Student: Let's call Mrs. K to make sure.

Mrs. B: Well, aren't you all being busy little bees!

Beth: Yes...and you're the queen bee!

Mrs. B: That is true...

Ava: And the boys are the drones!

This was reported by another teacher...

Student: Mr. L, now that you're married, are you gonna have kids?

Mr. L: I don't know...maybe...

Student: You shouldn't.

Mr. L: Why not?

Student: My mom says having kids is awful. 'Course, she has a lot of kids.

During a math class...fake money is all over my desk...

Dennis: Is that money real?!!

Several classmates: (explaining in exasperated voices) No, she wouldn't use REAL money for this!

Dennis: (not believing his classmates) But, Mrs. B., is that money REALLY REAL?

Mrs. B: Why, yes, Dennis. I just happened to have over one thousand dollars lying around on my desk.

Dusty: SARC MARK!!!! That sentence would have a sarc mark at the end! She's being sarcastic!

Joey: Mrs. B, may I please have my reading book? (Joey had lost the right to have his things in his desk due to some naughtiness.)

Mrs. B: Certainly!

Joey: Did you notice I said "please?" Pretty impressive!

Mrs. B: Yes, yes I did notice. Thank you for that.

Joey: I'm also pretty cute, too.

Mrs. B: Bye, girls! Have a great fall break! BE GOOD!!

Kylie: We're not making any promises!

This happened in another teacher's class...thankfully. I don't know if I could have kept my composure.

Mrs. V: So we have a president for a leader in our country. What kind of leader did the ancient Romans have?

Student: A dictaker!

Dakota: Hey, Mrs. B., come smell this!

Mrs. B: (without looking up) Um...no.

The mobile zoo was at our school today...

Zoo presenter: Can anyone name an animal that is a predator?

Shouts from audience: Tiger! Lion! Snake! Bear!

Zoo presenter: Yes! Now, I want to call on someone who is raising their hand for this next one. Who can name a prey animal? (pointing to one of my students) Yes. You there in the red shirt...

Dakota: A banana?

Teacher sitting behind me: (softly, so only I can hear) You're so lucky...

Zoo Presenter: ...and what do Tigers eat?

Mrs. B: (under my breath) Small, naughty children.

Dusty: Hey! That's not nice!