Let's extend the Christmas cheer a little longer...and Happy New Year!

Just so the hilarity of this drawing isn't lost in translation, I'll give you the run down as it was told to me by the student who drew it.

First, there is a crazed snowman with an axe. He is going to cut down the Christmas tree. But, wait! There is a sign that clearly states, "NO cutting trees! You'll go to jail." This explains why there is a police helicopter hovering above the scene.

(And you all thought that 8 year olds were sweet and innocent!)

Reported to me by a kindergarten teacher...

Rainy: Mrs. G, why do we have to put our coats on the hookers in the hallway?

This note was written to another third grade teacher...

Dear Mrs. R,

I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I like you a lot better than my first grade teacher.

Love,

Sara

A student was holding up her drawing of a winter day...

Teeny: Look at my wind, Mrs. B! It blows!

Mrs. B: Kiva, stop copying off of Reed's paper!

Reed: She can't help it. They all worship me!

Merry Christmas!!

Coming back from the awards assembly...

Joey: (forlornly) I didn't get an award.

Clayton: Just be patient. Your time will come. Then you can shine!

Mrs. B: (narrowing my eyes) Are you SUUUURE you did your homework last night?

Joey: Yes. You're just dee-spicious.

On the way to the cafeteria...

Felicia: Oh, shoot! I forgot my lunch money!

Summer: Well, go get it, woman!

This child is clearly destined to become a multi-media, abstract artist. Note the mustache on the right side and the bee with a rhinestone eye. I may use this as my Christmas card next year.

Trying to get a student to focus...

Mrs. B: Jake, you have to finish this. It is a huge part of your grade!

Jake: But, I don't wanna...

Mrs. B: Arrrgggg! You're driving me meshugana!

Jake: I'm not a sugar nut!

Mrs. B: (Sensing that the new math concept is over the students' heads) Okay, this seems to be a bit too hard. Let's move on and we can revisit this later.

Reed: (incensed) NO WAY! I'M NOT A QUITTER!

Mrs. B: So tell me again...what are you going to be when you grow up?

Reed: A CEO. I'm gonna own my own stunt company.

Mrs. B: Uh huh. And what exactly is a stunt company?

Reed: We do stunts. We're gonna go world-wide and do dumb stuff for the people.

Sam: I'm not doing ANY math over Christmas break.

Mrs. B: Really? Aren't you going to your grandma's house in California?

Sam: (suspicious) Yeeeeaaaaaaaah.

Mrs. B: So if your plane leaves at 12:15 in the afternoon, and it takes a half an hour to get to the airport, and you have to check in one hour early, what time to you need to leave your house in order to not miss your plane?

Sam: Hey, look at that! Math even helps us take vacations!

In the middle of a math lesson, a naughty student who had been moved to the front row and was sitting in another student's chair, started laughing hysterically...

Mrs. B: What's so funny?

Jake: I just cut one on Dana's jacket!!

Clayton: Gross! We'll have to tell her to air that thing out!

Reed: Yeah, and could you do us all a favor and stop eating beans already?!

Mrs. B: This day went by so quickly! I didn't even get through half of what I wanted to teach you!

Joey: It's okay. It'll happen tomorrow.

I found these darling little pictures on my desk today. Can you see a theme emerging?

...and then there was this...

After announcing that math would include an extra page today...

Leila: Wahhhhhh! You're torturing us!

Mrs. B: I haven't crossed over into torture yet. I can at any minute, though.

Tony: (panicking) Just think happy thoughts, people! HAPPY THOUGHTS!

Since the beginning of the year, we've had no less than five lizards appear in the light fixtures of our room. Each time, a teacher from down the hall comes in, catches the lizard, and takes it outside. This last time, the kids had some words of wisdom to share...

Joey: (protesting the catch and release situation at hand) ...but I don't waaaaant to let him go. Maybe he's the same lizard and he keeps coming back inside 'cause he likes it here!

Reed: That could be true. You know what they say..."If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be the class pet."

Mrs. B: Nice try.

Reed: Ehhh...it was worth a shot.

Reed: What are you eating?

Mrs. B: A couple of crackers. I didn't have time for breakfast today.

Reed: Maybe that's why you've been sick lately.

Mrs. B: I doubt it.

Reed: Well, you know, not eating won't help matters.

Mrs. B: Thank you, doctor.

Reed: You're very welcome.

Aspen: I was sick last week.

Mrs. B: Yes, I know.

Reed: I don't get to be sick. My mom says I can't miss school unless I'm bleeding from my eyes.

The students were silently working for quite some time when suddenly...

Clayton: (loudly) Ahhhhh...poo-brain!

I was standing at the back of the room and noticed one of the students had grass all over his back. I got my lint roller and started rolling the grass off his shirt.

Joey: (startled) Hey!

Kaylee: Ha! You didn't see THAT coming!