If you don't know who Owen and Mzee are, take a moment and Google them. It is a lovely story about an unusual friendship between a baby hippo and a 130-year-old tortoise, and it was the focus of our story time today. This was the drawing that one of our kindergarten reading buddies made in class...

Joey: (raising his hand to ask me a question) Grandma?

(Realizing his mistake, Joey claps both hands over his mouth. There is a sudden collective gasp in the room. I turn slowly, dramatically, to stare at Joey.)

Clayton: I know someone who's getting a big fat "F" for the day!

(The class breaks into raucous laughter.)

Mrs. B: Aspen, please stop chewing on your sleeve.

Reed: Eeeeeew. That's like chewing on a sewer rat!

Mrs. B: We live in the country. How do you know about sewer rats?

Reed: (indignant) What? I read!

A boy stops to rub his hands all over the top of a girl's desk on his way back to his seat in class...

Aimee: (with great disdain) Ewwwwww! Your cooties are all over my desk now!!!

(Note: I may need to introduce the concept of "cootie spray." It always worked for me when I was in third grade!)

Yesterday was agriculture day. We got to take our usual trip to the high school to see what the FFA groups have been doing. This is always good for a laugh...

High School Student: (asking the class) What can you tell me about chickens?

(pause)

Jax: Ummm...they're delicious?

Approaching the welding display...

Reed: (taking a deep breath) Ahhhhhh...I love the smell of welding in the afternoon!

Tessa: Mrs. B!! Guess where we're going over spring break? SAN DIEGO!!!!

Mrs. B: Wow! Cool, but, ummm...where is my invitation?

Tessa: Yeah, I'd invite you, but you'd just try to make everything educational...soooo...

The latest fad in our class is to use a pencil grip. They come in a variety of shapes and colors and the kids LOVE them. Today, I saw a student shaking his hand in the middle of cursive writing practice.

Mrs. B: What are you doing?

Joey: My hand hurts.

Mrs. B: Well, you're holding your pencil too tightly. Your poor pencil can't breathe...stop choking it.

Joey: I'm not. (pointing to his grip) See, he has his little collar on.

I walked by a student's desk after lunch only to see a pile of little sticker-burrs he had brought in from the playground. I really didn't want them ending up in the carpeting because they are impossible to get out.

Mrs. B: (pointing to the sticker-burrs) May I have these?

Reed: (without even looking up) Yes, if you'll give them a good home.

One more birthday drawing...

Spelling sentences:

monster: A monster ate my mom!

explode: My mom makes me want to explode.

children: Children don't like spelling.

(Side note: Ummmm...can you tell that this student was mad at this mom for making him do his homework?)

I think one of my students must be experiencing spring fever because this drawing appeared on my desk this past Friday...

During a math lesson where kids get to come to the front of the room...

Joey: (complaining) Awww, shoot! I never get to go up there!

Antonio: Not with that attitude you won't!

Joey: (glares at Antonio for a moment) Mind your own beeswax!

Reed: I once tied my shoelace so tight that I lost all feeling in my foot.

Mrs. B: Did it hurt?

Reed: (looking at me like I'm crazy, then speaking very slowly) Nooooooo, I lost all feeling in my foot.

Aimee: Mrs. B, I got you a candy ring for Valentine's Day!

Mrs. B: Oh, that's really nice, honey. (Looking around) Where is it?

Aimee: I ate it. I have to go buy you another one tonight.

A storm started just before we let the children out of school...

Student: (running wildly down the hall) Agghhhhhh! It's raining ZOMBIES!!!

In the spirit of Valentine's Day...

Leila: Mrs. B! Mrs. B! Reed just gave Aimee a love note! He luuuuuuuuvs her!

Reed: What can I say? I luuuuuuuuuv her!

Mrs. B: (to a student passing in the hall) I like your boots. They're snazzy!

Amber: Yeah, my mom makes me match them to my outfit. If they don't match, she freaks out.

This is a birthday crown that a student made for me. It is hard to tell from the photo, but it is covered with tape and stickers (along with the feet and hands) and, yes, I wore it. All day. Seriously.

This is the first real painting I've received from a student. The student gave it to me for my birthday and I absolutely love it!!! It is acrylic on canvas. She even signed and dated it (although, I removed that part for posting) and I now have it hanging in my art studio at home.

Lauren: Sometimes I can't understand what my little sister is saying, so I just nod and say things like "uh-huh" and "yup."

Mrs. B: I do that sometimes, too.

Lauren: Yeah, but then I find out that I've just agreed to play some stupid game or read a book to her for, like, the 50th time, so it doesn't really work.

The students were lining up for class in the morning while Reed was dramatically explaining why he was absent the day before...

Reed: ...and then they stuck a needle in my arm and puuuuulllllllllllled the blood outta me!

(Another teacher overhears this description)

Teacher: Wow. He really paints a vivid picture, doesn't he?

Things had not been going so well during a review of basic math concepts...

Mrs. B: Okay, let's try the even numbers.

Class: Six! Nine! One million!

Mrs. B: Stop being funny! It's two, four, six, eight...

Cassidy: ...who do we appreciate?

Class: Mrs. B!!!!!!! (thunderous applause and cheers)

Mrs. B: Flattery will not get you out of doing math.

Class: Awwwwwwwwwww!

Ummm...too cute!!

I had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. For some reason, this year's class went crazy with the fun gifts and drawings. I will feature them here over the next couple of days.

This drawing has some really hilarious details. Notice the snazzy purple jumpsuit and red platform shoes I'm wearing. Even Mrs. K and my cat made it into the drawing. Best of all, I'm apparently getting a robot named Ziggy that will clean the house for us. Yay!

p.s. Ziggy has a mustache.

p.p.s. Mrs. K is asking, "What did I mess?"

Joey: Here comes Aimee's mom. (Eyeing her uniform) She's a cop!

Mrs. B: (joking) Maybe she's here for you!

Joey: No way! I'm not on the lam!

Mrs. B: How do you know that phrase--"on the lam?"

Joey: Ummmm...never mind...I gotta go!

Mrs. B: We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect.

Reed: (pointing his pencil at me) Yuh-huh. I'M perfect.

Antonio: (quickly plucks the pencil from Reed's hand) Nuh-uh. A PERFECT person would still have his PENCIL!

I unexpectedly sneezed a loud, high-pitched sneeze...

Jake: I think you're allergic to school.

Reed: Mrs. B, I'm done with everything. Is there anything I can do for you?

Summer: (teasing, in a sing-song voice) Is there anything I can do for you?

Reed: Okay, now you're just mocking me.

As any teacher will tell you, there are times when we just can't help but lose our temper with the students. We are human, after all. Today was one of those days.

My students were being really good. They were quietly working on their daily math page. Unfortunately, the older students were still at lunch and our classroom is located right next to the bathroom. I had already gone out two times to tell the boys to stop playing in the stalls when there was a huge crash and lots of laughing and screaming. I stormed outside and gave the students a rather loud "talking to" that I'm sure they won't forget for a long time. Then, I turned and stomped back into the classroom where, apparently, my students had heard every word...

Leila: Wow! You're not Mrs. B. You're SUPER BEEEEEEE!

Clayton: Able to scare kids in five seconds!

(Huge cheers go up from everyone in the room.)