A student was looking over his tests that had just been returned after grading...

Devin: (quite pleased with himself)  ALRIGHT!  I got all of them right...except the ones I got wrong!

I have a large group of gifted students this year.  They have developed a bad habit of racing through their assignments, so I've been getting on them about slowing down and checking their work...

Mrs. B:  (looking over a student's assignment)  Hmmmm...

Caleb:  What?

Mrs. B:  Well, you've made a lot of mistakes here.  I wonder why?

Caleb:  (mirroring my sarcasm)  Maybe it's 'cause I'm not that smart after all.

When a sneeze sneaks up on me, it tends to be very high-pitched.  The kids think this is hilarious.

Mrs. B:  ...so you carry the...the...AT-TEEEEW!

Almost the entire class:  (imitating my sneeze)  AT-TEEEEW!  AT-TEEEEW!  AT-TEEEEW!  AT-TEEEEW!

Mrs. B:  Very funny.

Brandon:  That sounded like a laser gun battle in space!

Our character education lessons from the school counselor are so interesting this year...

Mrs. S:  Does anyone know the golden rule?

Liam:  I do!  I do!

Mrs. S:  Okay, Liam.  Why don't you share with the class.

Liam:  Undo others as you have others undo you.

A student had put pencils between each of his fingers so that it looked like he had a claw...

Mrs. B:  Elmer, what are you doing?

Cody:  He's pretending he's Wolverine.

Mrs. B:  I need you all to bring in some magazine for our art project on Friday.  Can everyone remember to do that?

Dakota:  I can bring in a ton of magazines.  My dad has lots in his bathroom!

The school counselor was talking to the children about being gracious when receiving a gift...

Mrs. S:  So, if you get a present you don't really like, what should you do?

Garrett:  Just act like you like it so you'll get more presents.

Cody:  Oh!  Like on birthdays when you get clothes!

Mrs B:  What are some ways we can make money?

Dakota:  You can babysit.

Garrett:  You can mow the lawn.

Mrs. B:  What if you want to make a lot of money?

Liam:  You can catch a giant squid.  No one has ever done that!

A student got a paper cut passing papers down the row...

Wyeth:  OOOOWWWWW!!!  Ow! Ow! Ow!

Mario:  Oh, calm down.  It's kind of like a knowledge injury!

Wyeth:  CURSE YOU, KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!!

Mrs. B:  Elmer!  I asked you not to do that.  Do you want me to write your name on the board?

Elmer:  (very politely)  No, thank you.

Just like last year's class, this year's students love to put pencil grips on their pencils.  The problem is they line the ENTIRE pencil with them and then proceed to play with them.  Today, this phenomenon reached a whole new level...

Mrs. B:  Cheyenne, I've watched you take three different sets of pencil grips off that pencil.  What are you doing?

Cheyenne:  I'm changing her little outfit! (holds pencil in the air)  See!?

Today, we learned the meaning of a new word...

Mrs. B:  OOOOOH!  Look at that ten-dollar word!  Let's look it up.

(proceeds to go on-line and show the children how to use dictionary.com)

Mrs. B:  Okay, here it is.  Obstreperous--resisting control, unruly, noisy, clamorous, or boisterous.

Liam:  So, pretty much just like us?

After assigning an extra page of math homework...

Cody:  Man!  I can't catch a break!

Mrs. B:  I know, I know...I'm the meanest teacher in the world.

Kendra:  Oh, I've had meaner, believe me!

This little gem appeared on the back of a student's math page today.  I really think the drawing speaks for itself...

Lily:  Look, Mrs. B!  I found the words "good job" and "busy bee" in the spelling word search this week!

Mrs. B:  That's because Mrs. K creates the word searches and she likes to hide secret messages for you.

Lily:  Why would she do that?

Emmett:  Because she luuuuuuuuuuvs us!

A student came into the classroom this morning only to find me dancing to a favorite song.  It turns out that it was his favorite song, too, so he decided to join me.  We were both dancing all around the room while several students gathered at the door to watch.

Student 1:  What are they doing?

Student 2:  I think they're dancing.

Student 1:  Why?

Student 2:  I don't know but I think Mrs. B has really lost her mind this time!

Jason:  I'm one-sixteenth Mexican...QUESO!

Mrs. B:  Did you just say "cheese" in Spanish?

Jason:  Yes.  It's 'cause I'm one-sixteenth Mexican.

Mrs. B:  Got it.

Mrs. B: (to a student who would NOT settle down and get to work) You are driving me bananas!

Cody: (impressed with himself) I don't even have a driver's license yet!

My principal is a good friend. She was my mentor when I was a new teacher and is my internship supervisor now that I'm getting a principal's certificate. Today, she told me about this encounter:

Student: Hey, Mrs. P! Did you know that Mrs. B is running for principal?

Mrs. P: (in her head) Hmmm...maybe she'll win and I can retire.

Kaitlyn: (holding up a piece of paper with names on it) Look, Mrs. B! I added you to the list of my all-time favorite teachers.

Mrs. B: There are four names on there.

Kaitlyn: Yeah.

Mrs. B: You've only had four teachers.

Kaitlyn: Yeah.

Mrs. B: So, basically, every teacher you've ever had is on the list.

Kaitlyn: Yeah, but you're one of them!

After a student brought out a very scary looking clown for show and tell...

Kaitlyn: I don't like clowns.

Mrs. B: Why not?

Kaitlyn: I think a clown will jump out with a chainsaw and cut my head off.

Cody: What kind of T.V. are you watching?

Still more show and tell...

Carter: This is my snow globe. It has a snowman in it. I brought it because I like Christmas and I like getting presents.

More show and tell...

Cheyenne: ...and this is a trick from my magic kit. I brought it because I love doing magic.

Mrs. B: Okay, thanks Cheyenne. Any questions, class?

Cody: Can you make yourself disappear?

It was our one big show and tell day of the year. The students get to bring in three objects each to show the class. They get very enthusiastic about it...

Elmer: This is my motorcycle guy. He's really cool. He has a helmet and a dirt bike and (demonstrating with a big flourish) HIS HEAD POPS OFF!

I love it when the children attempt to repeat popular parlance...

Cheyenne: Mrs. B, you use "locomote" a lot. What does it mean?

Mrs. B: It means get moving, hurry up, get your skates on...

Elmer: Oh. I thought it meant "get your undies on if you're a big boy."

Lillian: We went to New Mexico this weekend.

Willie: Did you see Big Ben?

Lillian: Ummmm...that's in London.

Willie: (thinks for a moment) Oh. Well, did you see the giant cockroaches?

Mrs. B: I just realized, we forgot to enter our multiplication from last week into our math journals.

Cody: Um...WE didn't forget! YOU forgot!

We live in a desert. It is hot. The children come in from recess dripping wet and smelling like puppies.

Mrs. B: Elmer, you look like you just stepped out of a shower.

Elmer: That's 'cause it's sweaty out there.

Garrett: And we don't smell like we just came out of a shower, trust me!

Mrs. B: I need you to work on your grammar assignment.

Charlotte: I need YOU to work on my grammar assignment.

Mrs. B: I don't think so. I've already passed third grade.

Charlotte: (holding out her grammar book) Prove it.