Mrs. B: HEY! What is WITH all the naughtiness today?!!!

Student: (quietly from the back row) Umm, we're eight?

When I say this has been a rough start to the year, I mean ROUGH START. Today, my teeny-tiny student decided to pee in the bushes on the way to recess after lunch. Never mind that he passed about five bathrooms between the cafeteria and playground. Oh, yeah, he also peed on the class basketball.

Anyone want to donate a new basketball to my room?

p.s. The same student who peed on the basketball also tried to steal 15 Taco Bell pencils AND faked a "throw up" in the trash can to try to get sent to the nurse. It's gonna be a loooooooonnnnnnnggggggg year.

Chloe: Mrs. B, I made this picture for you. (It is a picture of a clown.)

Mrs. B: Thank you, Chloe! It's beautiful! I love it!

Chloe: Has anyone ever made you a picture like this before?

Mrs. B: No. This is the first one like this. Would you put it on my desk for me so I'll know right where it is?

Chloe: Okay.

A few minutes later, Chloe returns with the picture in hand...

Chloe: You know, you can feel free to put this on the bulletin board out front.

Mrs. B: What is today's date?

Class: (in unison) August 23rd, 2010!

Mrs. B: Good! And what was the date exactly one week ago?

Class: August 17th, 2010!

Mrs. B: Great! And what will the date be exactly one week from today?

Class: August 31st, 2010.

Mrs. B: And what is due on August 31st, 2010?

Class: (still in unison) Our book reports!

Mrs. B: (noticing a student who is daydreaming) Wyatt, what is due one week from today?

Wyatt: (a look of confusion and desperation crossing his face) Kittens?

The class is silent as they take a spelling test. All of a sudden, there is a faint noise coming from a student's backpack.

Mrs. B: Okay. Who has the cell phone?

Joey: (frantically trying to get into his backpack) It's me! It's me!

Mrs. B: Joey, cell phones aren't allowed at school.

Joey: (hesitates) It's...It's not a cell phone.

Mrs. B: (disbelieving) Oh, really? What is it?

Joey: It's a cricket.

Hours Later...

Chloe: Mrs. B., Joey keeps trying to put a dead cricket down my back!

Mrs. B: You need to do both sides of this math page.

Round-faced little boy: No, I don't. You said we only had to do one side.

Mrs. B: (Who tends to forget things easily these days) Are you sure about that?

Round-faced little boy: (pointing to his head) Yes. I have a weel good memowee.

Tattletale Girl: (pointing to fellow classmates) Mrs. B., these guys are being talkie-talkersons.

Sorry for the lapse in posts...it has been a ROUGH start this year!

Mrs. B: (To the entire class) You only have 10 minutes left. If you're not close to being done, you better chop, chop, lemon drop!

Ten seconds pass.

Tiny, bespectacled boy: (Loud, high-pitched karate noise) HIIIIIIIIIYAAAAHHHHHH!

Overheard while walking in line to lunch...

Student #1: Are the people in Tokyo just waking up?

Student #2: Yeah, unless their already up and running away from Godzilla.