Mrs. K is standing at the back of the room, handing out stickers to the students as they leave. They have crowded all around her and she is swallowed up in the mayhem.

Student: (to no one in particular) Man! We look like a bunch of gerbils at feeding time.

The students had been asked to bring in three items that represented who they are to show to the class.

Sam: (whipping out two goofy-looking, stuffed dolls) Okay, so my grandmother bought these for me and if you hit them, they say stuff.

Mrs. B: Does anyone have any questions for Sam?

Leila: Yeah, do they have names?

Sam: Oh, yeah. You know how when you get a stuffie, the rule is you have to name it? Well, this is Nick and this is Gary.

Mrs. B: I didn't realize there was a rule about "stuffies."

Sam: (nodding, completely serious) Oh, yeah.

We were happily working on place value math when...

Antonio: Mrs. B? Where did you get this stuff anyway? Easy-peasy math dot com?

Mrs. B: Ummm...

Sam: Hey, Antonio! Why don't you go to be quiet dot com?

(Note: This, of course, resulted in everything we said for the remaining forty minutes of the day ending in "dot com." Ex: I need you to sit down dot com. Hey, may I sharpen my pencil dot com?)

Cameron: Hey, Mrs. B! What's the date today?

Mrs.B: (trying to seize a "teachable moment") I don't know...what is the date today?

Clayton: Ooooh! Ohhh!! I know! I know the date! It's August 29th. Wanna know how I know? Because I said to my mom...I said, "Hey, Mom, I want corn dogs for dinner on August 29th." And we're havin' corn dogs TONIGHT! That's how I know it's August 29th!

(Complete silence in the room as everyone tries to absorb the logic in this.)

Coming in from lunch...

Tiny student from last year: Hey, Mrs. B! I'm all sweaty! Wanna hug me?

Mrs. B: Not really.

Tiny Student: Okay, but this is your only chance!

Mrs. B: I think I'm good...but thanks!

Two gifted students in my class were arguing over the proper way to assemble their project...

Clayton: When you talk, all I hear is "Weird, weird, blah, blah, blah..."

Evan: That's okay. When you talk, all I hear is brain cells dying.

This little exchange happened while a bunch of teachers were watching the students board the buses after school.

Student: Ms. R! Guess what I found out today!

Ms. R: What?

Student: Nearly ALL of my classmates are ticklish!

Ms. R: So, I see you are following the "keep your hands to yourself" policy.

Student: (three second pause) Ummm...oh! There's my bus! Bye! (Student runs off)

Mrs. B: Nicely done.

Ms. R: D'you like that?

While playing a game...

Evan: (to a student who is trying to find something) You're getting colder. Colder. COLDER!!! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA!!!!!

Note: Who knew a third-grader could whip out a word like "hypothermia" in the first week of school? Nice job!

So...the artwork has started appearing on my desk. (This is one of the sweetest bunches of kids I've ever had. I think that is why I'm getting "teacher portraits" already.) Anyhow, I love this one because I have one yellow shoe and one red shoe! Oh, and purple hair!!

Evan: (holding up a gyroscope from our activity centers) Mrs. B, how much do you want for this?

Mrs. B: Eight million dollars.

Evan: How about five bucks?

Mrs. B: Nope. Eight million dollars.

Evan: Okaaaaay. I'll give you four bucks.

I was demonstrating how to make an entry into a math journal today when I made a mistake. I reach into my desk and grabbed a white-out tape dispenser. The kids were watching in fascination as I "erased" the mistake.

Jonah: What's that!?

Aspen: Duh. It's wipe-out tape.

Jonah: Wipe-out tape?

Aspen: Yeah, it wipes out your mistakes.

We were working with our kindergarten reading buddies today. A few of them are Spanish speakers and the third-graders were trying to teach them a few English words.

Mrs. B: (to a kindie student) Playa es "beach" en ingles.

Kindie: (slowly and clearly) BEEEEEECH.

Juan: (listening in) That sounds almost like a naughty word.

I used to work for a very well-known entertainment company that runs amusement parks (among other things) and I like to share the "secrets" of their most famous park with the students.

Mrs. B: Okay, you know when you walk by the candy store and you smell all that great candy? That isn't real. They pump that scent into the air so you'll want to go in and buy candy from them.

Jake: (incredulously) THOSE LIARS!

I was talking with another teacher today when, from down the hall, a squeaky child's insistent voice was heard...

Squeaky child: Mrs. B! Mrs. B! Helloooooooooooo! Mrs. Beeeeeeeeeee!

Mrs. B: Hi, sweetie!

Squeaky child: (to the adult beside her, as though she has proven a major point) See! I KNOW people!

Mrs. B: Look at my sweet, little angel-babies all lined up and perfect!

Nattie: That's 'cause we're the GOOD class!

It's a NEW SCHOOL YEAR!!!

This first post isn't actually about my class but it was too funny to let go...

Kindergarten Teacher: Okay, boys and girls, let's move over to the reading rug and...

(Sparrow, a little girl who is always tardy, walks into the room)

Sparrow: (loudly with a great flourish of arms) I heeeeeeeeere!