I was walking in the hallway with my new students when one of them asked my age...

Mrs. B:  Well, let's see, I'm 47.  No.  Wait.  I'm 48.  (pause)  No, 47...wait...umm...

(Two of the students exchange looks of concern.)

Natalia:  That's okay, Mrs. B.  It doesn't matter how old you are.  You're already losing your mind.

One of the first things I teach in math is the concept of time.  Specifically, I teach the meaning of a.m. and p.m.--ante meridiem and post meridiem.  Getting an 8-year-old to pronounce these phrases is somewhat  of a challenge...

Mrs. B:  So, yesterday we learned what a.m. and p.m. stands for.  Does anyone remember what that is?

Madeline:  I do!  It stands for ante mnem-mnem-mnem.

The students were creating timelines of their lives.  This is a great activity because it generates a lot of conversation and bonding in the class.  Sometimes, it's just a case of TMI...

Braxton:  I was born on a Sunday and my mom said it was raining that day!

Brady:  I was born with a bunch of yellow junk all over me!

Colton:  Oh, yeah!  Well my mom said I was born with a cone head!

Braxton:  (checking out Colton's head)  Yeah, I can see that.

The first day is always interesting...

Mrs. B:  So I see I have two Johnathans this year.  Do you both like to be called John?

The Johnathans:  Yes.

Mrs. B:  Okay.  Is there anyone else who likes to be called something other than the name I wrote on your name tag?

Carter:  Yes.  I'd like you to call me "Catnip."

Mrs. B:  Wha...?

Nahla:  (interrupting)  Yeah!  And I want you to call me "Nay."

Braxton:  I want to be called "Bray!"

Michelle:  Call me "Peanut."

(Students all begin shouting out weird nicknames made up on the spot.)

Mrs. B:  Ummmm...I think we need to start over...

I tend to get a lot of former students visiting during "meet the teacher" night.  One highly precocious student from last year stopped by for a brief chat.  Keep in mind, this child is nine...

Mrs. B:  So how about those test scores!   You exceeded in reading and math!

Emmett:  Yup.  I knew I would, but my sister...(shakes his head in disbelief and chagrin)...she's dyslexic.

Mrs. B:  Really?  How do you know?

Emmett:  Oh, I just know.  But I think if they put her in the gifted classroom, she'd bump up.

Mrs. B:  Interesting analysis.  Are you planning on being a teacher when you grow up?

Emmett:  (horrified at the thought)  Oh, no.  Teachers don't make enough money!

Hi, everyone!  School is back in session the second week of August.  Rumor has it that I have some, well, let's call them "energetic and unique" students this next year.  The good news is, they are always the funniest, so it should be a good year for 3rd grade philosophy.  

It is getting to be a bit crazy.  The kids are sassy and everyone is ready for summer break...

Mrs. B:  (In response to a smart-alecky remark)  Whatever.

Wyeth:  Whatever?  That's all you got?!  Whatever?!

We were at the local park that borders a stream.  The kids were allowed to wade in and look for evidence of an ecosystem.  

Jacob:  (standing on a rock, raising his hands above his head)  I feel like SUPERMAN!!!!

(Jacob slips and falls into the stream, getting completely soaked in the process.)

Cody:  Well, you look more like Aquaman right now.

One has to come to an understanding at some point in one's career:  third-grade boys think flatulence is hilarious.  No discussion.  Today, a student was stealthily sneaking up behind classmates and passing very potent gas.  He would then walk to the other side of the room and wait for the inevitable reactions.

Group of unfortunate students:  EWWWWWW!   AGGHHHH!!  I'm gonna THROW UP!!!!  Mrs. B!  Wyeth is dropping bombs over here!

Wyeth:  Those aren't just bombs.  Those are NUCLEAR bombs!

Jason:  (unexpectedly walking into the fumes then falling on the floor and grabbing his throat)  AGGGHHH!!!   BLACKHAWK DOWN!  BLACKHAWK DOWN!!!!


Disclaimer:  I don't normally let things get this rowdy but we just finished two weeks of state-mandated accountability testing.  The kiddos deserved a little slack today.

Mrs. B:  (turning around to find that the children are no longer in line)  Hey!  What happened to my straight, quiet line?

Eddie:  (looking at his unruly classmates)  I guess we're just uncivilized today.

Naughtiness has been on the upswing lately as spring has arrived.  I was having a conversation with a student from another class about this very thing when I learned that idioms don't always translate well when conversing with third-graders...

Student:  Have your kids been bad, too?

Mrs. B:  No, I brought the hammer down the first time they tried being naughty.

Student:  You should bring the hammer down on their knee.

Mrs. B:  Oh?  And what would that do?

Student:  (pause)  Well, it would teach them a big lesson, that's for sure!

There was a noticeable "aroma" in the air today...

Wyeth:  Ewwwww!  Eric farted!

Mrs. B:  Oh, like you've never farted!?

Wyeth:  Oooooohhhooo...I've farted.  One time, it was so bad that it made my dog barf right there on the carpet.

Dakota:  (Listening to a conversation between two boys)  Wyeth sure is short but his sarcasm is tall!

Announcement over the intercom:  ...And the grand prize winner of the "be excellent" contest is...Kayla Wilson!

Connor:  Huh.  How do you like that?  They mispronounced Connor Jessup.

Jason:  I had a nightmare last night.

Mrs. B:  Really?  What was it about?

Jason:  There were zombies and they were chasing me.

Mrs. B:  Well, you know zombies aren't real so it wasn't that bad, was it?

Jason:  (not convinced)  I dunno...you were one of the zombies.

Mrs. S:  Oh, I see we have a new student in the room.  What's your name?

New Student:  Eric.

Mrs. S:  Hi, Eric.  My name is Mrs. S and I'm the school counselor.  Did you have a counselor at your last school?

Eric:  No.

Mrs. S:  Would someone like to tell Eric what a school counselor does?  (looks for hands)  Yes, Zane!

Zane:  Well, she gets to butt into people's business...

During a lunchtime conversation about the upcoming Easter weekend...

Jason:  Easter's boring.  I'm gonna invent a new holiday called Big Day.  It's a day when your parents have to give you something big!

I'm not so sure what this says about moms...

Mrs. B:  (pointing to a globe)  See, here is where we are and here is Ireland and here is Israel.

Dakota:  Wow!  Look at Russia!  No wonder they call it Mother Russia.  It's HUGE!

We have been using an economy system in the classroom for a couple of months.  Today, we took the average starting teacher's salary, made a budget, and had an eye-opening discussion about money.  It became clear to the students that money management can be difficult and "extras" may need to be cut.  

Fast forward to evening when I ran into a student at the grocery store.

Emmett:  Hey!  Mrs. B!!!!  MRS. BEEEE!!!

Mrs. B:  Hi, Emmett!  How are you?

Emmett:  Fine.  I saw you using coupons like we talked about!

Mrs. B:  Yes. (holding out my receipt)  And look at what I saved.

Emmett:  Twenty-seven dollars!  That's good.  (lightbulb)  Hey, now you can pay your cable bill!

Today's post is more somber than usual.  One of my students has a little sister who is fighting cancer.  Around the holidays, she started getting better but then had a big, unexpected set-back and is now back in the hospital.  My student, Lillian, has had to move in with her grandmother while her family stays in the city where the hospital is located.  Today, she submitted this for her writing assignment (write about a memory):