Happy Halloween!!

During a sudden, very dramatic thunderstorm...

Leila: Mrs. B, do you know what the sound of thunder really is?

Mrs. B: (seizing an opportunity for some fun) Yes, the angels are mad because you are all being sooooo naughty!

Cassidy: Nuh-uh! They're mad because you're sooooo mean to us!

(We all have a good laugh then get back to our lesson. A few minutes pass.)

Mrs. B: Jax! Stop goofing around this instant and get to work!

(As if on cue, a huge crash of thunder explodes)

Cassidy: See, I told you! They don't like it when you're mean!

Mrs. B: (after a frantic, ten-minute search) Um, Clayton, your report card is right here on your desk!

Clayton: Well, I'm sooooooooorrrrry! My brain's all out of control right now!

Mrs. B: Okay, everyone, take out your reading book.

Cassidy: Sure, why not?

No explanation necessary. This kid has a career in movies ahead of him. I especially like the jaunty top hat!

Reed: (in response to another student's snarky remark) Well, aren't you just Mr. Sassy-Pants today? Those pants look high-dollar!

Mrs. B: Someone tell me what you might be doing at 7:00 p.m.

Summer: Eating dinner!

Kaylee: Getting ready for bed!

Reed: Wellll...Layin' on my couch...eatin' potato chips...in my underwear...watching t.v.

Mrs. B: Uh-huh, uh-huh...wait, what?!

(laughter around the room)

Reed: What? There are good shows on at 7:00!

Mrs. B: (explaining a French phrase that was in a story we were reading) It is pronounced "le crayon." You have to make the ghuggggg sound in the back of your throat.

(children around the room imitate the sound)

Summer: (with disgust) It sounds like you're yakking!

A small boy had just picked a rubber snake from the prize box. He was walking back to his desk and appeared to be whispering something to the snake...

Reed: ...and just so you know, I'm gonna call you Mikey! Do you like that name? (moves the snake's head up and down)

This drawing appeared on the back of a math page...can you tell we've been studying ancient Rome? (Apparently, Roman soldiers were pigeon-toed!)

Cassidy: (struggling to complete some work) I caaaaaan't!

Jax: You can! Ya just hafta look inside ya and be a superhero!

Mrs. B: I need everyone to look at the problem on the board.

Leila: (with her eyes closed) I can't see it. I have lazy eyes.

Mrs. B: Okay, take out your red editing pencils.

Lee: (enthusiastically) Alllllriiiiiight! (to me, in response to my puzzled look) I'm a big fan of red pencils!

Reed: I can't wear my real Halloween costume to school...it's too gruesome.

Mrs. B: Well, you can always make a costume for school.

Reed: Yeah, I can't knit.

Mrs. B: You don't have to knit. You can tie a towel around your shoulders and put a big "R" on your shirt and wear swimming goggles and tuck your pant legs into silly socks and wear funny shoes. You can be a superhero!

Reed: Suuuuuuure...a superhero that's gonna get beat up!

I'm not sure if I can adequately paint this picture for you, but I will try. We were working silently on a project involving the ocean. Specifically, the students were supposed to be illustrating part of a story. I saw two of my boys with their head together and heard what I thought was a semi-naughty word said several times in a row. I launched into my usual admonishment about not using that kind of language at school when one of the boys stopped me...

Clayton: We didn't say "crap"...we said "crab." (Both boys simultaneously hold their hands up in the air and snap their imaginary claws.)

Mrs. B: (noticing that we have a student absent) Oh, where's James? It's picture day.

Antonio: Maybe he's home trying to make himself look pretty.

We were having a discussion about what we could buy with a million dollars...

Lee: I would buy a bunch of color laser printers so I could make illegal money and buy more stuff!

(Note: ahhhhh, an entrepreneur!)

Apparently, a small girl has been bothering one of the boys every time I look away. The strain must have built up...

Jax: (loudly, to his tormentor) You're a BEAST!!!!

I use a lot of pet names with my students...

Mrs. B: (to one sweet little girl who is taking a long time to put away her things) Okay, little princess, I need you to clean up now.

Summer: (with great skepticism) Are you SURE she's a princess?

Kaylee: Mrs. B, my sister told me she'd give me ten bucks for cleaning her room. But when I cleaned it, she just went, "ha, ha, sucker!"

Mrs. B: Oh, honey, I'm sorry! (pause, thinking) Do you believe every thing people tell you?

Kaylee: Well, not anymore!

Reed: I don't feel like being here right now.

Mrs. B: Neither do I, but what can you do?

Reed: (gesturing out the window) Well, there's a great big playground right out there!

Mrs. B: (noticing that two boys are under their desks and no longer paying attention in math class) What are you two doing?

Clayton: We're lookin' for my tooth.

Mrs. B: Your tooth?

Clayton: Yeah, it flew out like Superman!

Mrs. B: (to the class) Are you ready to listen?

Reed: I was born ready!

(I know this statement isn't all that original but you have to understand how hilarious it is coming out of the mouth of an eight year old.)

(Speaking of original, one of the funny quotes my kids said last year turned up as a line on Glee this week. Hmmm...)