Mrs. B: Reed, how many centimeters are there in a meter stick?

Reed: You tell me. You're the teacher. You have wisdom.

Leila: Reed! That's not nice!

Reed: Ummm...wisdom means smartness.

Leila: Oh. Well, then, never mind.

After a particularly trying math lesson...

Aimee: Don't you just love us? We make your life more interesting.

Many times when one student complains about not feeling well, a good number of other students soon join in with all of their aches and pains...

Mrs. B: Look, you can't ALL be suffering from some sort of illness or another, and the problem with complaining when it's not really a big deal is that no one believes you when you really are sick.

Reed: Oh, don't I know it. I'm a TOTAL hypochondriac! Now my mom never thinks I'm sick.

(Side note: Wow. Hypochondriac. Good word, Reed!)

Clayton: Mrs. B, are you feeling okay?

Mrs. B: Not really.

Clayton: You should just go home and hang out with your cat. You can take some time and become good friends.

Clayton: Mrs. B! My arm smells like my dog!

Aimee: She didn't really need to know that.

Mrs. B: (demonstrating a math concept using scissors and paper) Okay, now I'm just going to cut one for you to show...

Jake: (maniacal laughter) Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Mrs. B: What is so funny, Jake?!

Jake: You said, "CUT ONE!" Ahahahahahaha!

Questions and answers from weekly tests:

Q: How do you suppose Death Valley got its name?

A: Probably the president of the United States.

Q: According to the line graph, what was the temperature on January 7th?

A: Sunday.

Kaylee: Mrs. B, how old are you?

Mrs. B: (lying) Twenty-five.

Kaylee: Yeah, that's about what I thought.

Mrs. B: (in my head) That's why I love kids.

Mrs. B: (using an official, computer-sounding voice) We will begin the spelling test in four minutes.

Clayton: Just like a nuclear bomb!

Tessa: Mrs. B! Guess what I got?!!

Mrs. B: What?

Tessa: An I-pad!

Mrs. B: Wow! What a great Christmas present!

Tessa: Oh, it wasn't for Christmas.

Mrs. B: Was it for your birthday?

Tessa: No, I'm just spoiled.

This one is for all those parents out there who think kids aren't paying attention...

Mrs. B: Okay, Dane, read the story problem that you wrote.

Dane: My mom had five cans of beer. She got eight more. How many cans of beer does she have now?

Reed: Sounds like she'll have a headache in the morning.

A student came in with a new, semi-mohawk haircut this week...

Mrs. B: Nice haircut, Dane!

Dane: Thanks.

Reed: Yeah, he calls it a "faux-hawk" but I'm gonna call it a "flock."

Mrs. B: Uh-huh...and why is that?

Reed: Because it just sounds better and it makes me happy.

Mrs. B: Reed, you know you aren't supposed to draw violent pictures.

Reed: Oh, it isn't really real! This is a picture of my first movie set I'm gonna design.

Mrs. B: Oh. (pause) Well, then...good job!

A student was being mean to a classmate and I had to intervene. Another student nearby had this to say after the fact...

Reed: I like watching people get in trouble. It makes me feel like a good person.

I got a new haircut...how do you like it? (This is actually a very good likeness!)

The kids came in from lunch recess one day knowing all about the big calamity that had occurred in the cafeteria while they were outside...

Mrs. B: How did you find out about that?

Reed: If you were on the playground everyday, you'd learn that word spreads around fast!

Reed: (looking over the daily math page) Hey, everyone, I have an idea! Whoever does this math page the fastest...

Joey: DONE!

Leila: DONE!

Lauren: DONE!

Reed: Awwww, shoot!

We were studying the three branches of government. We spent some time on the impeachment process when...

Clayton: So, really, impeachment is like throwing out a rotten peach?

Reed: You always say you like to torture us, but you never do.

Joey: Yeah, you don't even torture bugs.

Mrs. B: I just need FIVE MINUTES of an imaginary bubble around me! Can you please just give me a bubble for five minutes so I can finish this!!!???

Class: (in unison) Yes, Mrs. B!

Aimee: (after about thirty seconds...poking her finger at me) POP! Can you help me with this math?

After lunch one day...

Joey: You know, they really should make those fish stick look more like fish. Right now, they just look like long chicken nuggets.

The students were filling in a test form that required them to write their teacher's name on the front page...

Aimee: (with complete sincerity) Mrs. B, should I write your name or just "The Princess" where it says "teacher?"

A student walks in late after, well...let's just say it was messy...

Reed: (to the tardy student walking through the door) Just be grateful you missed the "VOMIT-FEST OF JAKE."

Out of nowhere, the teeny-tiniest little girl let out the biggest, grossest burp imaginable...

Clayton: Impressive!

Aimee: Mrs. B, why is it that girls never get what boys are talking about?

Reed: (dripping with sarcasm) Oh, like we understand ANYTHING you're saying!

Mrs. B: (to Lauren) I really like that flower in your hair. It's pretty!

Jake: I have one just like that. (Sees the entire class staring at him) What?!

Reed: (still groggy from winter break...) My body is here but I'm not guaranteeing anything about my brain.

Mrs. B: Good to know.

Drew: Hey, Mrs. B! I got a gold panning kit for Christmas!

Mrs. B: Wow! That's cool.

Drew: Yeah, it is! I already found a nugget of gold just sittin' in my room on my dresser.

Mrs. B: Huh. That's a pretty powerful kit.

Apparently, all Smurfs are NOT happy. Who knew?

This drawing was from Halloween...

Awwww! So cute!

Felicia: (to a student next to her) I'm done and you're not...na, na, na, na, na, na!

Reed: (Over the top) WHY must you MOCK me with those WORDS?!!!

Mrs. B: Okay, take out your math journals.

Tony: Why do we have to do maaaaaaath?

Mrs. B: You should be grateful that you get to do math in this nice, warm, comfortable classroom with all the wonderful things we get to use like rulers and pencils and desks.

Joey: Yeah. In the old schools they just counted sticks.

Welcome, 2012!