Wyatt: Mrs. B, my hand hurts when I push it here.

Mrs. B: (without looking up) Then don't push it there.

Wyatt: (overacting, whining) But it really, really hurts.

Mrs. B: Oh. Well if it really, really hurts then we should do something. Okay, everyone, stay calm. I'll call 911. Wyatt, hang on, help is on the way. Chloe, go get the nurse. (pretending to cry) Oh, I hope you'll be alright. We better get your parents on the phone. What are we going to do! I hope you make it!

Wyatt: (rolls his eyes) Okay. I'll sit down.

Mrs. B: Ah...ahhhh...(sneeze approaching) Ahhhh...

Class: (suddenly and loudly) BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU!!!!

Mrs. B: Oh, man! (pause) You made my sneeze go away!

Class: YAY!!! (cheers and thunderous applause)

Ava: (looking back and forth between me and Mrs. K) Mrs. K doesn't look like your mom.

Mrs. K: So who do I look like?

Ava: You look like a principal.

Mrs. K: Good!

Two things: 1) Today was agriculture day. All the elementary students went to the high school to see animals and farming demonstrations. 2) We have a new class pet--a hamster named Boo.

During a branding demonstration (using wood)...

High School Student: So why would we need to brand cattle?

Justin: So you can tell who they belong to.

High School Student: Right. If John's cows get mixed up with mine, we can use the brands to sort them out and get our own cows back.

Justin: (thinking) Hey, Mrs. B! Can we brand the hamster after lunch?

Ava: Please just give us one more minute on math...pleeeeeeeeeease!

Mrs. B: Okay. One more minute. Go!

Ava: You're a precious teacher.

Mrs. B: (holding up a book) What kind of book is this?

Class: A biography!

Mrs. B: Right! And who is this biography about?

Class: Neil Armstrong!

Mrs. B: Good! And what kind of book would this be if Neil Armstrong wrote it himself?

Class: An autobiography!

Mrs. B: Fabulous! And what...

Joey: (interrupting) Except Neil Armstrong doesn't have time to write an autobiography. He's too busy being a judge on American Idol.

Mrs. B: Sure and, wait...what?!

Justin: This math is hard. I can't do it.

Dakota: Are you an AmeriCAN'T, or are you an AmeriCAN?!

Violet: (very prissily) Dakota, take out your book!

Dakota: Are you my boss?

The post here is the result of a discussion about allergies.

Mrs. B: Look at this Band-Aid shaped mark on my leg! It's because I'm allergic to them. I put one on, and now I have this silly shaped rash.

Faith: I'm allergic to waterproof Band-Aids. I puff up like a cheese ball.

Natalia: Mrs. B, you don't look so good.

Mrs. B: I'm exhausted.

Natalia: (confused look on her face) You make salsa?

Mrs. B: What?

Natalia: What?

Mrs. B: Dakota! Stop eating your pencil!

Joey: Maybe he thinks it's a piece of bacon.

Chloe: Mrs. B, during the Super Bowl, I asked my dad if I could change the channel and he said yeah, if I wanted a broken arm.

Mrs. B: Wow! Did you change the channel?

Chloe: No, 'cuz I don't think he was kidding.

Violet: (chattering at me as I check homework) ...and I wrote "love each other" as our daily goal because people shouldn't be mean to their friends...like when they smell or something. They can't help it and besides, we all smell...

Trey: (motioning to his new, slicked-back hair style) Mrs. B, do you like my hair?

Mrs. B: Yes, you look very handsome.

Lizbeth: He looks like Dracula!

Trey: I do not!

Lizbeth: Oh, you SO look like Dracula.

Mrs. B: Okay, let's get to work.

Dakota: I'm not in the mood.

So, I'm not sure how to write what happened in class today. I think I will just try describing it.

I tell the children to line up for lunch and the usual flurry of activity ensues. My cotton-candy sweet girl is walking to the line when, out of nowhere, Joey pops up in her face and says, "FART!" then runs away. The weird part is that she didn't even flinch or tattle on him. This is the remainder of the conversation:

Mrs. B: Um, Joey. What WAS that?

Joey: She's a part of my experiment.

Cotton-candy girl: (very blase) It's okay. He does it all the time.

A student who had been out with the flu is incessantly talking...

Mrs. B: Joey, you are chattering away like a little chipmunk. You really need to quiet down.

Joey: I'm not a chipmunk. I'm a music box. (singing) Lalalalalalalalalalalalala... As you can tell, I'm feeling better today.

Mrs. B: Who can give me a number sentence with 31 as the answer? (Sees a hand frantically waving in the air.) Yes, Matteo.

Matteo: Okay. 10,054 minus 10,023 equals 31.

Wyatt: (Disbelieving) Um, you may wanna check that.

Mrs. B: Here we go... (whips out the super grande calculator, enters numbers for the students to see) Yup, he's right.

(A massive class cheer erupts)

Ava: Oh, yeah. That's how we roll!