So, this little one was late with her "If I Were A Superhero" assignment. As you can see from her writing, she is none too happy with the fact that someone beat her to the punch.

We've been working on a reading standard in class that requires the children to look at maps, schedules, etc. and find information they need. Today, I had them create a map for an amusement park of their own design. They had to include several elements like rides, people, a compass rose, and a legend.

Violet: (showing me her map) ...and this is the legend and this is the roller coaster and over here is a person barfing 'cuz they just got off the roller coaster, and this is the snack bar...

Today there was a lot of chatter in the classroom. None of the usual "behavioral management" tricks worked. I'm sure my patience was wearing thin because this conversation happened at the end of the day...

Nick: Jayden, you look tired.

Jayden: I am tired.

Ava: Maybe your brain isn't working.

Nick: Yeah! Maybe you need your brain switched ON!

Jayden: Yeah, I need my brain switched on.

Nick: Only Mrs. B knows how to switch on our brains.

Ava: Mrs. B! Only you know how to switch on our brains!

Mrs. B: If only I knew how to switch off your mouths...

Ava: Uhhhh...you guys, she wants us to be quiet!

Reviewing words with suffixes...

Mrs. B: What does a painter do?

Class: PAINTS!

Mrs. B: What does a swimmer do?

Class: SWIMS!

Mrs. B: What does a tutor do?

Class: TOOTS! (loud, hysterical laughter)

Mrs. B: (mostly in my head) I should have seen that coming.

Joey: (entering the classroom in the morning) Mrs. B! Guess what! I can sing opera...listen... (ear-piercing, off-key, hand in the air like an Italian opera star) AHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHHHHAHHHAAAAAAA!

Mrs. B: (entire class is frozen in disbelief) Wow. That was really...something.

Joey: I know. My voice can break glass!

(We were continuously treated to bits of "opera" throughout the day, mainly when Joey finished each assignment.)

Mrs. B: Okay, today we are going to begin studying the branches of government.

Justin: OOOh! OOOH! Mrs. B! I can name one of the branches!

Mrs. B: Okay, go ahead.

Justin: The olive branch.

(Side note: Talk about irony!)

Reported by another teacher...

Teacher: So, who can read the sentence they wrote for question 10 that says, "Write a sentence or two that explains how you found the answer for question number nine."

Student: I can!

Teacher: Go ahead, Duncan.

Student: (reading) I am very clever. Okay?

There aren't many restaurants in our small town. There is a local sports bar with great hamburgers. Yesterday, as I was leaving this establishment, I ran into one of my students. Today in class...

Chloe: Mrs. B, why were you at THE BAR yesterday?

Wyatt: (checking himself out in the mirror) Look, Mrs. B., I'm growing a mustache.

Lizbeth: No, you're not! We all have hair on our face.

Dusty: Yeah! My mom has dark hair on her lip and she has to put this stuff on it to make it go away.

Mrs. B: Uhhh, Dusty, I don't think your mom would want you telling us that.

All the kids head back to their seats while Wyatt stares at himself in the mirror.

Wyatt: (quietly to himself) Yup. I'm definitely growing a mustache!

A student approaches to give me a hug (I think) but holds out his arms and flaps them together like a penguin who is clapping. I stare at him a moment trying to figure out exactly what he is doing when...

Dusty: (observing the whole exchange) Well, this is awkward.

For MLK day, I had the children write and illustrate their "dream" for the world. Sometimes children can really surprise you with what they say...

Wyatt: All this writing is hurting my stitches. I think I need to stop.

Mrs. B: Nice try. Keep writing. (His stitches are in his leg.)

As I'm taking attendance...

Vanessa: Mrs. B, my mom is home sick again.

Jacob: (dripping with sarcasm) Good to know.

Overheard on the kindergarten playground...

Student: (karate chopping another student) HIYAHHHH!!!!!

Teacher: Jacob! Stop hitting Dylan!

Student: But I'm a NINJA!

Teacher: Ninjas keep their hands to themselves.

Student: (thinking a moment, then making up his mind) No they don't! They fight! HIYYYAAAAHHH!

...during show and tell...

Tyson: This is a pirate necklace that my Papa got me from Pennsylvania.

Jayden: Is it new or old?

Tyson: It's old.

Jayden: How old? Like from 1981?

Aliens came up again...

Mrs. B: Can we PLEASE drop the alien talk? There isn't an alien here right now!

Dakota: (pointing to another student) Yeah, there is...right there.

Tyson: Hey!!!

I was chatting with one of my students from last year...

Tessa: I go to Kennedy's house every Tuesday and Thursday.

Mrs. B: What do you do there?

Tessa: Act stupid.

The students are coming back to class after lunch. As one normally well-behaved student enters the door, she raises her fist above her head and shakes it as she shouts...

Lizbeth: HOMEWORK KILLS TREES!!

...at the end of an impassioned speech...

Mrs. B: ...and grown-ups, even though they shouldn't, sometimes forget what it is like to be a kid. They forget how embarrassing it is to get into trouble in front of your friends or that your feelings are the same as theirs. Grown-ups are human and can make mistakes, too.

(15 seconds of silence as this is absorbed, then...)

Jayden: You DO realize you are talking about yourself, don't you?

Mrs. B: (horrified) Do you think I'm mean to you?

Jayden: Noooo. But you are a grown-up, though.

...noticing a student with his fingers tightly grasping a front tooth and a look of intense concentration on his face...

Mrs. B: Uh, David, what are you doing?

David: Trying to earn some extra money.

Mrs. B: Is your tooth loose?

David: Not yet...

...out of the blue...

Dakota: Mrs. B! One time we went camping and we saw Superman in a tree and an alien space ship.

Mrs. B: What?

Dakota: (frustrated sigh) I said, one time we went camping and we saw Superman in a tree and an alien space ship.

(entire class is listening now)

Mrs. B: Let me get this straight. You saw Superman, the actual Superman, in a tree?

Dakota: No! He was a toy Superman!

Mrs. B: (with relief) Oh! Okay, so Superman and the alien space ship were toys!

Dakota: No. Just Superman was a toy. The alien space ship was real.

Mrs. B: (speechless) Uhhh...

Natalia: How much sugar did you put on your Cheerios this morning?

Don't you just love it when a third-grader understands sarcasm?

Violet: (watching me open a computer program) Mrs. B, what's your password?

Kaylee: I'll bet it's "I love kids."

...three second pause, then hysterical laughter from all the students...

Wyatt: Mrs. B! I got five stitches yesterday. You gotta let me tell the class! I gotta tell my public!

Tyson: Hey, Mrs. B! Why are you wearing black today?

Dusty: Duh! She wears black when she feels fat.

(giggles all around the room)

Mrs. B: Thanks, Dusty.

Mrs. B: It is important to always look for opportunities to be nice. I want each of you to compliment one person in your class before the end of the day. Okay, let's move on...(sees a hand in the air)...Yes, Dusty?

Dusty: You're beautiful, Mrs. B.

Mrs. B: Thanks, but that doesn't count.

Dusty: Awww, man!

...reported by another teacher...

Teacher: So, what is a "setting" of a story?

Student: It's where the story takes place.

Teacher: Right! And where does this story take place?

Student: In the book.

Mrs. B: ...so really, our country has always been one that explores: new territories, new medicines, space, technology...

Wyatt: (interrupting) We didn't really land on the moon.

Mrs. B: Wha..? I'm sorry...what?

Wyatt: We didn't land on the moon. It was all a big hoax. My dad told me so.

Mrs. B: Your dad told you so? The dad who is a middle school principal?

Wyatt: Yup. It was all Hollywood.

Mrs. B: Uhhh...Hollywood...I see. What is your dad's phone number?

Dakota: (to another student) Hey, guess my nickname.

Justin: (a bit uninterested) I don't know...

Dakota: I'll give you a hint. It's something you can eat.

Justin: Cupcake?

Dakota: No.

Justin: Peanut?

Dakota: Noooo.

Justin: Booger?

Dakota: Grossssssss!

Justin: I don't know...I could see someone calling you Booger.

Mrs. B: Joey, I need you to quiet down.

Joey: I'm Dave.

Mrs. B: Pardon?

Joey: I'm not Joey, I'm Dave.

Mrs. B: Dave?

Joey: Dave. Dangerous, armored, violent, enemy. Dave.

Mrs. B: You're a noisy boy is what you are, Dave. Quiet down.

(Giggles around the classroom)