Several students are being noisy...

Mrs. B: I need you to zip it, lock it, and put it in your pocket!

Ava: Or, throw it at the teacher.

Mrs. B: Very funny.

Jaycee: (running up to me on the playground) Mrs. B, why do we have grades like third grade and forth grade?

Mrs. B: Because it is easier to teach students who are about the same age and have been in school the same amount of time.

Jaycee: Oh. Was it like that in the olden days?

Mrs. B: No. It used to be all the grades together in one room.

Jaycee: How big was the room?

Mrs. B: Not very big, maybe like our music room.

Jaycee: How did the teacher teach everyone math?

(fast forward through ten minutes of this...)

Jaycee: (suddenly silent for a moment) Okay. I don't have anymore questions. (runs off)

My tiny student is attempting to "rap" for his fellow students.

Mrs. B: Joey, you're eight, and you're not a rapper. Sit down and be quiet, please.

Joey: (rapping) I'm not eight! I'm not eight! I'm not eight! I'm nine, YO! Word!

Mrs. B: Eliza, will you please pick up that little square of paper off the floor?

Eliza: But it's not mine.

Mrs. B: Yes it is. It fell out of the little hole at the front of your desk.

Eliza: There's a little hole at the front of my desk?

Mrs. B: Yes. All the desks have them.

(The entire class begins feeling around under their desks. There are lots of "ohs!" as they discover them.)

Justin: I wonder why they put those there?

Joey: So your desk can poop.

Mrs. B: Nicholas! Are you planning on doing your math or are you going to just sit there?!

Nicholas: (as though he's deciding) Hmmmm....

Mrs. B: (to a habitually naughty student) Okay. You are REALLY starting to make me mad!

Dennis: Oooooh. Don't make her mad! She turns into the create-able hulk!

My tiny student has a tiny crush. Sooo cute.

Overheard coming from the teacher's classroom across the hall...

Mrs. J: Bradley! Get your mouth AWAY from the soap dispenser! (10 second pause) ...and STOP eating staples!

While playing "3rd Grade Jeopardy!"...

Mrs. B: Okay, social studies for 300. Name one of the two ancient civilizations after which our government is modeled. (Tyson buzzes in) Tyson?

Tyson: The Statue of Liberty!

Mrs. B: Umm...no. We're talking about an ancient civilization. (Joey buzzes in) Joey?

Joey: The White House?

The children were presenting robot designs they had created...

David: ...and this is the homework switch, and this is the galactic gamma ray that I designed to blow up Justin's robot...

Justin: HEY! That's not FAIR!!!

Mrs. B: Tyson, do you know the answer? (long pause) Tyson?

Tyson: I'm thinking!

Lizbeth: (with great disdain) I find that hard to believe.

Tyson: (to another student who is standing over a bug) Squish it!

Mrs. B: NO! Do NOT squish that bug on the floor of my room!

Dusty: Don't worry. I didn’t squish it. I suffer-cated it.

I asked this student why her poems are always about brides. She said:

Natalia: I don't really like writing poems about brides. I just like drawing the bridal fashions.

Apparently, she designed this dress for a bride in India.

Jordan: (holding up a picture) Look, Mrs. B. I drew this for you.

Mrs. B: Oh. That's...a nice...monster.

Jordan: It's not a monster.

Mrs. B: What is it?

Jordan: It's what you would look like if you were a zombie.

Dennis: I'm German.

Natalia: No, you're not.

Dennis: Yes, I am.

Natalia: That's like me saying I'm Japanese.

Joey: (from across the room) I'm a leprechaun!

Mrs. B: (tired of a student dawdling) We'll just wait for Nick to finish his work before we continue.

Ava: HURRY UP!

Nick: I'm almost done! Don't judge me!

During AIMS testing (a state-mandated, yearly benchmark test) a student wildly waves his hand for my attention. Students are not allowed to make noise or talk during this time. I walk over to find out what is wrong.

Joey: I hafta leave the room NOW!

Mrs. B: You can't. It's AIMS testing right now.

Joey: But I hafta toot!

Mrs. B: (in my head) They never teach you how to handle this in college...

Okay. If this drawing is small, zoom in on it. It is hilarious! Here is the poem that goes with it:

I had a bug

who had dinner

with a slug

that was thinner

Notice the details: candlesticks, a fancy table cloth, and two bugs (one a little heavier than the other) with their knives in the air. Oh, and notice that the heavier bug has a huge pile of food on his plate. I gave him an "A" on this assignment. How could I not?

Natalia: (crazed, hyper, and loud) MRS. B!! Chloe and I had ice cream sandwiches on the playground at lunch and WE'RE ALL SUGARED UP!!!

Mrs. B: (not even looking up from my grading) Grrrreeeeeaaaaaat.

My tiny student left this for me on my desk during the week we were studying ants. Apparently, I am the queen ant being served by the worker ants (the students). He explained to me that he is the ant bowing down in front of me. Is it vain to say that this is my favorite drawing of the year?

Natalia: Mrs. B! My sister sold her sheep at the fair this weekend for six thousand dollars!

Mrs.B: That seems kind of high. Are you sure it was that much?

Joey: Yeah. Was it a golden sheep?

Dennis: Mrs. B, how do you spell "early?"

Mrs. B: Okay, this is for everyone in the class. If you need to know how to spell a word, either look on the word board or look it up in the dictionary. You only get to ask me words that aren't in the dictionary!

(A few minutes pass, and a student approaches with a gleam in his eye.)

Jayden: How do you spell fuganaga?

Mrs. B: Fuganaga? Really?

Jayden: (trying to keep a straight face) Yes.

Mrs. B: S-I-T-D-O-W-N.

Jayden: (writing the letters as I say them) S-I-T-D-O-W...Hey!!!

Dennis: (in an Elvis voice) Thank you. Thank you very much!!

Mrs. B: Dennis, you're not Elvis, and you need to quiet down.

Dennis: Who's Elvis?

Mrs. B: What is the commotion about back there?

Justin: Joey called me a dirt-bucket for no reason.

Joey: Yuh-huh! He told me, "You got served!"

Mrs. B: Seems to me that you guys are even now.

(Dennis walks past Justin)

Justin: MRS. B! DENNIS JUST CALLED ME A DIRT-BUCKET!!!

Mrs. B: Dennis, why are you getting involved in this?

Dennis: I dunno. It just seemed like fun.

Today was the state-mandated bus evacuation drills. This is nice for one reason only. For about fifteen minutes, the teachers get to gather on the grass by the bus loading zone and chat as the bus drivers run the kids through all the safety and emergency procedures. As the students were loading onto the bus, a particularly extroverted student boarded, threw his hands up in the air like Evita, and shouted--

Student: I'm here! Your life is now 100% better!

At the end of the drills, the first student off the bus ran to the grass, fell down, and rolled around screaming--

Student: WE SURVIVED! WE SURVIVED!!!

This poem was submitted by my tiny, often naughty, always hilarious student. It's not so much the subtle poetry that has me fascinated...it's the fact that the "doll" looks a lot like me. (AND I was wearing a red outfit yesterday.) Hmmmmm...coincidence?

Wyatt: Mrs. B? Why is this paper so light?

Mrs. B: Our copier isn't working right.

Wyatt: (with disgust) Technology!

Mrs. B: Um, Justin? What's with the hair?

Justin: My little brother cut it off.

Mrs. B: What!? Why did you let him do that?

Justin: I didn't. I was asleep when he did it.