I sent a student to have his temperature taken because he wasn't feeling well.  I thought it would be a good teachable moment...

Mrs. B:  Can anyone tell me what a normal, healthy human being's temperature should be?

Lily:  98.6 degrees Fahrenheit!

Mrs. B:  Yes, that's right!  So if Cody has a fever, his temperature will be above 98.6 degrees.

Lily:  What if he's right at 98.6 degrees?

Mrs. B:  Then that means he's normal.

Bronson:  (Cody's best friend)  He may be 98.6 degrees, but he is NOT normal!

More counselor fun...

Counselor:  Okay, Malcolm, why don't you tell us what you learned about your new buddies in class?

Malcolm:  Well, Davin wants to be a baseball player and Kaleb wants a teleporter when he grows up.

The school counselor was talking with the students again...

Counselor:  So, I want to pair you off for this next activity and you will be paired with someone you wouldn't normally hang out with so you can practice getting to know someone new.

Jason:  (unhappily)  What happens if we don't like them?

Counselor:  That's the whole point!  In life, you have to work with people you may not like very much.

Jason:  (trying a different approach)  Okay, what happens if they PICK THEIR NOSE!?

This week in reading we had a story about a farmer...

Mrs. B:  So, the question is...would you like to be a farmer and you have to tell me why or why not.  Kendra, what do you think?

Kendra:  Yeah, I think it would be cool to plant stuff and watch it grow!

Mrs. B:  Good reasoning.  How about you Jason?

Jason:  Sure.  I could feed my family.

Mrs. B:  Another good reason.  Kaleb, what do you think?

Kaleb:  No.

Mrs. B:  Okay, but you have to say why.

Kaleb:  Because you get dirty and I don't like baths.

Cody:  You give us too much work.

Albert:  Yeah!  It's not fair!

Mrs. B:  (a bit tired and not in the mood for complaints)  Oh, quit your whining.  It's your job to do school work.  Just like it's my job to teach you.  Besides, every paper you do, I have to grade--and there are twenty-seven of you and only one of me!

Cody:  (under his breath but loud enough for me to hear)  At least you have more work that me...so THAT'S fair.

Cody:  I can't write cursive E's.  I hate cursive E's!

Mrs. B:  Really?  Because they love you.

Cody:  Well, I hate them!  (wallowing in a bit of self-pity)  The only thing I'm good at in school is recess.

Wyeth:  Yeah, but you're the BEST at recess!

Mrs. B:  See, there.  That's something.

Cody:  Yeah, but it doesn't help me with cursive E.

A long time ago, I used to paint murals for a living.  I have painted a small design on one wall of our classroom.  Today, a student was examining it...

Kendra:  Mrs. B, will you paint dolphins on the wall of my bedroom if I steal my parents' credit card and give it to you?

Mrs. B:  That's not really a good idea.  I don't think your parents would be too happy about it.

Kendra:  They'll never know.  They have lots of credit cards.

(Note to self:  Find a way to subtly warn Kendra's parents about hiding their wallets...)

We have been studying ecosystems.  I present to you...

A savanna















An ocean

And a forest...I especially love the bear saying, "Raa."

Mrs. B:  Okay, Cody.  Please read your story problem out loud.

Cody:  I have six sheets of homework.  Mrs. B gave me eight more.  How much homework do I have now?

Eddie:  Fourteen sheets of homework and one mean teacher!

Mrs. B: (noticing a student was staring out the window)  Excuse me, Jason, but I need for you to pay attention.

Kendra:  Or else you may have to pay in DE-tention!

Cody:  (out of the blue)  Grown ups are boring.

Class:  (coming to my defense)  You just called Mrs. B boring.  That's breaking rule number one!  RESPECT!  Yeah, she's not boring!  That's just mean...

Mrs. B:  (acting like I'm going to defend Cody)  Come on, guys!  To be fair, we all know that only boring people call other people boring.

Cody:  (looking smug)  YEAH!  (lightbulb)  HEY, wait a minute!

(Raucous laughter ensues.  A minute passes and everyone settles back into work.)

Cody:  (to me)  That was a good one.

We were studying compound words.  I gave the students an assignment to make up some new compound words and write the definitions next to them.  Here are some new words for you all to use:

grassmate:  someone who helps you cut the grass.

gentlecycle:  a bicycle that never falls over.

lunchmower:  someone who eats their lunch really, really fast.

undermen:  men who live underground.

scrapmate:  a friend that is made from scraps.  (This scares me a little bit.)

hairstorm:  hair that has a crazy day.  (This happens to me a lot.)

motormother:  a robotic mom.  (I wonder where they got this idea!?)

scareberry:  a berry that you DON'T want to eat.

skatemate:  two people mate when they skate.  (Ummm...)

Mrs. B:  What is nine plus five?

Cody:  (so sure of himself that he shouts out the answer)  SIXTEEN!

Mrs. B:  Nope.

Cody:  Yuh-huh!  It's sixteen!

Mrs. B:  I don't think so...

Wyeth:  Dude, where is your head?

Jason:  Yeah, giving answers like that, you should be the headless horseman for Halloween.

This is what we call a teachable moment...

Mrs. B:  Where is Cheyenne?  She hasn't come back to school since we got back from fall break.

Kendra:  When she went to Colorado, she got stripped or something.

Mrs. B:  (horrified)  WHAT!???!!

Lillian:  No she didn't!  She got strep.  

Kendra:  Stripped, strep.  Same thing.

Lillian:  Nuh-uh.  Stripped is naked.  Strep is sick.  Like in strep throat.  DUUUH!

Kendra:  Oh.  (thinking)  Yeah...then she definitely got strep.

Cody:  Mrs. B, what are you going to be for Halloween?

Mrs. B:  I'm going to be a flower.  What are you going to be?

Cody:  I'm going to be a teacher-eating monster.

Mrs. B:  Well, I guess it's a good thing I'll be dressed as a flower.

Cody:  Oh, I'll be the kind of monster that can tell if you're in disguise.

I ran into a student in the store today...

Jason:  (yelling across the produce section)  MRS. B!!!!!  Hi!!!  Guess what?

Mrs. B:  Hi, Jason!  What?

Jason:  We went on a roller coster yesterday and it made me throw up!  It was sooooo cool!

Mrs. B:  Really?  That doesn't sound cool.

Jason:  Nawww, it was just a spit-vomit so it was okay.

A student from last year came up to me when I was on duty, grabbed my left hand, and carefully examined my wedding ring...

Ally:  Nice metamorphic rock.

Mrs. B:  Where did you learn that?

Ally:  Uh...from you...last year...during our geology unit.

Mrs. B:  So you were paying attention sometimes!

Ally:  Oh, I always pay attention when it comes to diamonds!

Announcement on the intercom:  ...AND now for the BEST part--the student who picks the Go-Go with the letter "P" on it gets to have lunch with the principal!

Cody:  (horrified)  I don't want to eat lunch with the principal!

Mrs. B:  Why not?  She's really nice!

Cody:  Yeah, exactly, and I'm a MESS when I eat!

Eddie:  My mom told me I have to go to college.

Mrs. B:  Well, that's good.  You should go to college.  You're really smart.

Eddie:  Yeah, she says it's the only way I can support her when she's old.

I saw a student from last year's class in the hall...

Mrs. B:  Hey, Aimee, how are you doing this year?

Aimee:  Fine.

Mrs. B:  How do you like Mrs. V?

Aimee:  She's okay.  She's not weird like you, though.

Mrs. B:  Uh, thank you...I think...

Aimee:  You're welcome!

I try to encourage the students to be creative when thinking up their own math problems...

Mrs. B:  Okay, who can give me an interesting math problem with four as the answer?

Garrett:  (who has a little crush on Abby)  I can!  What is Abby times ten divided by two plus nine?

Abby:  She said interesting, not crazy!

Someone is dreaming of a white Christmas...

Yes.  That's me.  Riding on a bee.

Someone was not very happy with me today...

Trying a new tactic for math...

Mrs. B:  Okay, pretend this is a code.  You are on a game show and you have to figure out the code in order to get into the vault and push the magic button that will give you one million dollars!  Wyeth?

Wyeth:  Ummmmm, is it counting by twos?

Mrs. B:  Noooooo...

Cody:  ACCESS DENIED!

One more anniversary card...

Translation (with original spelling):

On your anivery, you'r the Love oficer, so make sher he love's you very much tomorrw

This little gem was given to me by a student last Friday.  It was the inside of an anniversary card she made for me...

The class was working on an art project that required them to clip pictures out of magazines.  There were bits of paper everywhere and children were wielding scissors while their tongues poked out of the sides of their mouths and their eyebrows furrowed.  Every few seconds someone would exclaim something along the lines of "Ooooh, look at this!"

Kaylee:  (looking around at the cutting chaos)  It's like extreme couponing in here!

A student was trying to fix his backpack zipper that was stuck.  His hand slipped and smashed into his face...

Mrs. B:  Uh, Eddie, are you okay?

Eddie:  (sounding a bit like Eeyore)  Yeah.  It's not like I haven't punched myself in the face before.

I have a student who is really just a grown-up in a little person's body.  His sense of humor is very quick and witty...

Wyeth:  (testing to see if he could get out of work)  You told us we didn't have to do that page in math.

Mrs. B:  And when, exactly, did I say that?

Wyeth:  (without missing a beat)  New England, 1880.