Can you guess what color I wore today?

The little circle of writing says: Your a gint in ornge woo.

Translation: You're a giant in orange...woo hoo!

I watched as a student got out of his seat, wandered over to the baskets that hold various class papers, and picked up a daily math page...during our reading lesson.

Mrs. B: Garrett, you don't need that paper for your assignment.

Garrett: Can I make a paper airplane with it?

Mrs. B: No.

Garrett: Can I make a fan with it?

Mrs. B: No.

Garrett: Well, then, what can I do with it?

Mrs B: You can put it back where it belongs and get to work.

Garrett: (narrowing his eyes) You're eeeeeevil!

I had just demonstrated the "star inside an apple" trick while we were studying seeds. I took a bite from the apple in front of the students and there was nearly a riot...

Students: (in one big, indignant chorus) Hey! You can't eat that in front of us! That's not fair! Give me a bite! Yeah! Give us ALL a bite!

Cody: (the voice of reason) Oh, come on guys...she deserves a treat. She has to be with kids all day!

Mrs. B: Okay, what is the word we use to describe two triangles that are the exact same shape and size?

(slight pause)

Mrs. B: Does anyone have any guesses?

Elmer: (big sigh) It's called congruent! (turning to look at classmates and throwing hands up in the air) Come on, people! We learned this in second grade!

Mrs. B: (to Cody, who has not been very motivated so far) You know, Cody, it's not that difficult to be a good student. All you have to do is try a little harder.

Lillian: What kind of student were you, Mrs. B?

Mrs. B: I was a pretty good student. I listened to my teacher. I did my homework. I studied.

Cody: (with great derision) Yeah, like that's gonna happen!

Mrs. B: (to a student who has strayed into the area near my desk) Uh-oh! You're standing in the "danger zone."

Camden: (looking at his feet, then looking at me) But, you're in the danger zone!

Wyeth: (Casually walking by) That's because she DANGEROUS!

Mrs. B: Savannah, if I give back your ruler, I trust you won't play with it anymore?

Wyeth: (Savannah's neighbor) Good luck with that!

Part of third grade is learning how to use resources such as dictionaries, Internet, etc...

Mrs. B: If you don't know the answer, where will you look for help?

Cody: Ummm...your neighbor's paper?

Naughty boys were playing around in the bathroom for the first time this year...

Mrs. B: (joking with my students as I step out of the room) I'll be right back. I've got some yelling to do!

(I go out to the hall and let the boys know that their bathroom time is OVER, then walk back into the room.)

Wyeth: Aaaaaaand, your work here is done!

I ran into a student from last year in the hallway before school...

Jax: (holding up a foam finger) Look, Mrs. B! I have a gigantic finger!

Mrs. B: Hey, just like your brain!

Jax: Umm, yeah...not really...

As the children run out to the playground on the first day of school...

Student: FREEEEEDOMMMM!!!!

I noticed a student had been scowling for quite some time...

Mrs. B: Come on, Garrett. Give me a smile.

Garrett: Yeah, Mrs. B. You should know, I'm just not a happy kind of guy.

My mom, Mrs. K, came in on Friday to help with test grading. It was the first time the children met her this year...

Mrs. B: Mrs. K, can you do me a favor? I forgot to make copies of these.

Mrs. K: Sure. (Heads out to make copies)

Chantal: You know, you don't have to call her Mrs. K. You can just call her mom.

Soooo, apparently I'm making quite an impression on the children this year...

Mrs. B: Does anyone know what the word "comprehend" means in our sentence?

(crickets chirping)

Mrs. B: Come on guys, "comprehend." We discussed it yesterday. It starts with the letter "u."

(more crickets)

Mrs. B: I'll give you a hint...un...un...und...under...

Garrett: UNDERWEAR!

(fits of hysteria ensue)

This ended up being a little bit of a cheesy speech on my part but the ending line from the student had me in stitches...

Mrs. B: So, Benjamin Franklin is responsible for all kinds of great things that make our lives better today!

Wyeth: (unconvinced) Like what?

Mrs. B: Like electricity and libraries and bifocals and he signed the Constitution!

Wyeth: So what?!

Mrs. B: So what?!!! So, the Constitution guarantees that you get to make choices with your life! You get to choose what you do when you grow up and you get the opportunity to make something of yourself. Not everyone in the world has it so lucky. There are some places in the world where the government tells you where to live or what you get to do for a living.

Wyeth: Really?

Mrs. B: Um, yeah! Plus, Ben Franklin only went to school for a few years and look at everything he did. Even if you have a hard time in school or even if school isn't your thing, you can still do big things with your life! Sometimes brilliance doesn't show up until later. Ben Franklin taught us we can still be great.

Wyeth: (changing his tune) Well, thank you, Benjamin Franklin!!

Mrs. B: Okay, so today we're going to kick it up a notch. You'll have two pages to do for math...

Emmett: What are you trying to do? Torture us?

Mrs. B: Ahhhhh, you've found out my true job description--torturer of students. Mwahahahaha!

Emmett: Well, let me tell ya--you're REALLY good at your job!

Garrett: Mrs. B, can I go to the bathroom?

Mrs. B: May I go to the bathroom.

Garrett: I guess so, you're the teacher...but can I go, too?

Mrs. B: (to one of my new students in the hall before school) So, Neville, how do you like our class?

Neville: Well, I'll never love you as much as Mrs. S, but you're okay...so far.

I saw a student from last year's class in the hall today...

Mrs. B: Hey, Reed! What did you do all summer?

Reed: Well, I learned that my new dad likes to drink a lot and he's afraid of spiders. How was your summer?

Pointing out the "danger zones" in the classroom (a.k.a. the areas near my desk marked off by red velcro tape on the floor)...

Mrs. B: Don't go in the danger zones! The red tape shows where you CANNOT GO! What do you think happens if you go in the danger zones?

(short silence...students considering...)

Bennett: Ummm...Zombies will eat us?

Reported by the P.E. teacher...

1st Grader: Look, Mrs. S! I have new shoes.

P.E. Teacher: (looking at his Converse sneakers) Those are niiiiice!

1st Grader: Yeah, they're called Cucumbers!

Garrett: Mrs. B! Look, I brought a bunch of erasers to school today. You know, the pencil-top kind.

Mrs. B: Oh, but I gave you some erasers already.

Garrett: Yeah, but I don't like to use the girlie ones.

Reported by another teacher...

Ms. R: What is your job?

Student: To study and do my work!

Ms. R: Good! And what is my job?

Student: To tell us we're wrong!

At the start of every new school year, I give the students a three minute timed "test." In actuality, it is a lesson on following directions that begins by telling them to read everything first before starting the test. Since it is a timed test, students usually start doing the activities as they read. They cannot possibly get to the bottom of the list in three minutes but if they had read everything first, they would have seen that all they needed to do was put their name on the paper and fold their arms. The students always have a loud/big reaction to it. Today was no exception...

Mrs. B: Okay, so who can summarize what we learned from this?

Devin: I learned to never trust your teacher!

First day!!! I was giving some instructions about decorating the frame of a self portrait...

Mrs. B: ... so you can put stars on it or polka dots or stripes or swirlies.

Garrett: You mean, like the kind of swirlies where your brother holds you upside down in the toilet and flushes it?

Mrs. B: Nooooo, but does your brother actually do that to you?

Garrett: Only when he catches me.

Okay, I have seriously fallen behind in my posts. Summer got the best of me. The good news is that school starts tomorrow! Look for daily posts to begin again in the next few days. Happy new school year, everyone!