Pointing out the "danger zones" in the classroom (a.k.a. the areas near my desk marked off by red velcro tape on the floor)...

Mrs. B: Don't go in the danger zones! The red tape shows where you CANNOT GO! What do you think happens if you go in the danger zones?

(short silence...students considering...)

Bennett: Ummm...Zombies will eat us?

Reported by the P.E. teacher...

1st Grader: Look, Mrs. S! I have new shoes.

P.E. Teacher: (looking at his Converse sneakers) Those are niiiiice!

1st Grader: Yeah, they're called Cucumbers!

Garrett: Mrs. B! Look, I brought a bunch of erasers to school today. You know, the pencil-top kind.

Mrs. B: Oh, but I gave you some erasers already.

Garrett: Yeah, but I don't like to use the girlie ones.

Reported by another teacher...

Ms. R: What is your job?

Student: To study and do my work!

Ms. R: Good! And what is my job?

Student: To tell us we're wrong!

At the start of every new school year, I give the students a three minute timed "test." In actuality, it is a lesson on following directions that begins by telling them to read everything first before starting the test. Since it is a timed test, students usually start doing the activities as they read. They cannot possibly get to the bottom of the list in three minutes but if they had read everything first, they would have seen that all they needed to do was put their name on the paper and fold their arms. The students always have a loud/big reaction to it. Today was no exception...

Mrs. B: Okay, so who can summarize what we learned from this?

Devin: I learned to never trust your teacher!

First day!!! I was giving some instructions about decorating the frame of a self portrait...

Mrs. B: ... so you can put stars on it or polka dots or stripes or swirlies.

Garrett: You mean, like the kind of swirlies where your brother holds you upside down in the toilet and flushes it?

Mrs. B: Nooooo, but does your brother actually do that to you?

Garrett: Only when he catches me.

Okay, I have seriously fallen behind in my posts. Summer got the best of me. The good news is that school starts tomorrow! Look for daily posts to begin again in the next few days. Happy new school year, everyone!