One has to come to an understanding at some point in one's career:  third-grade boys think flatulence is hilarious.  No discussion.  Today, a student was stealthily sneaking up behind classmates and passing very potent gas.  He would then walk to the other side of the room and wait for the inevitable reactions.

Group of unfortunate students:  EWWWWWW!   AGGHHHH!!  I'm gonna THROW UP!!!!  Mrs. B!  Wyeth is dropping bombs over here!

Wyeth:  Those aren't just bombs.  Those are NUCLEAR bombs!

Jason:  (unexpectedly walking into the fumes then falling on the floor and grabbing his throat)  AGGGHHH!!!   BLACKHAWK DOWN!  BLACKHAWK DOWN!!!!


Disclaimer:  I don't normally let things get this rowdy but we just finished two weeks of state-mandated accountability testing.  The kiddos deserved a little slack today.

Mrs. B:  (turning around to find that the children are no longer in line)  Hey!  What happened to my straight, quiet line?

Eddie:  (looking at his unruly classmates)  I guess we're just uncivilized today.

Naughtiness has been on the upswing lately as spring has arrived.  I was having a conversation with a student from another class about this very thing when I learned that idioms don't always translate well when conversing with third-graders...

Student:  Have your kids been bad, too?

Mrs. B:  No, I brought the hammer down the first time they tried being naughty.

Student:  You should bring the hammer down on their knee.

Mrs. B:  Oh?  And what would that do?

Student:  (pause)  Well, it would teach them a big lesson, that's for sure!

There was a noticeable "aroma" in the air today...

Wyeth:  Ewwwww!  Eric farted!

Mrs. B:  Oh, like you've never farted!?

Wyeth:  Oooooohhhooo...I've farted.  One time, it was so bad that it made my dog barf right there on the carpet.

Dakota:  (Listening to a conversation between two boys)  Wyeth sure is short but his sarcasm is tall!

Announcement over the intercom:  ...And the grand prize winner of the "be excellent" contest is...Kayla Wilson!

Connor:  Huh.  How do you like that?  They mispronounced Connor Jessup.

Jason:  I had a nightmare last night.

Mrs. B:  Really?  What was it about?

Jason:  There were zombies and they were chasing me.

Mrs. B:  Well, you know zombies aren't real so it wasn't that bad, was it?

Jason:  (not convinced)  I dunno...you were one of the zombies.