I've come to realize that my class is not gifted in map-reading. First, there was to globe-making disaster. Now this during today's U.S.A. map lesson...

Mrs. B: Everyone put your finger on Texas.

David: Look, Mrs. B, Australia is in Texas.

Mrs. B: What?

Ava: Yeah, and where's China?

Mrs. B: China is not a part of the United States. It is a different country entirely.

David: But Australia is in Texas!

Justin: That's Austin, not Australia.

David: Oh.

Ava: So, where's China?

Mrs. B: (frustration reaching a boiling point) In China! Okay, look, let's move on. Everyone put your finger on the circle at the top of the map. Does anyone know what that's called?

Joey: A compass rose.

Mrs. B: (seeing a ray of hope) Yes!! Good job. So what does a compass rose tell us?

Joey: Directions like north, south, east and west.

Mrs. B: Good! (feeling better by the second)

Wyatt: Mrs. B, do you know how the pirates knew how to tell directions?

Mrs. B: No, how?

Wyatt: They went--Never Eat Soggy Waffles. (Sees the look on my face) What?

Just so no one thinks I'm truly mean to the children, here is a conversation we had today...

Violet: Mrs. B, will you please teach 4th grade next year so I can be in your class again?

Justin: Yeah! And then 5th grade after that!

Jayden: Yeah! And then middle school and then high school!

Violet: She CAN'T teach high school. We would all be taller than her!

Jayden: Okay. Just through middle school.

Mrs. B: I'm afraid the answer is no. I really like teaching 3rd grade.

Violet: (thinking a moment) Well, then, can you hold me back a year?

During the second day of learning long division...

Wyatt: I can't do this math.

Mrs. B: Why not?

Wyatt: (whining) It's ha-ard.

Mrs. B: Oh. Well. If it's ha-ard, then by all means, don't do it. I wouldn't want you to have to do anything difficult or challenging in school. I think EVERYTHING in school should just be easy-peasy, lemon-squeezie. No need to stretch your brain or give something a try. No. You go ahead and sit there and practice your addition facts. Just be sure to stick with the simple ones. I wouldn't want you to over-do it. Try 1+1 and 1+2. Those should be about right.

Wyatt: (sick of hearing me carry on) OH-KAAAAY! I'll try.

Mrs. B: (sing-song) Thank you!

Natalia: You really like to torture us, don't you?

Mrs. B: A little bit.

Mrs. B: Dennis, will you please behave yourself!

Tyson: Yeah. If you don't, I'm gonna call my Papa on you.

(small pause as everyone considers how strict Tyson's Papa is...)

Class: Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

A silly bit of fun on the way to the busses takes an unexpected turn...

Mrs. B: Hey, Jake! I see that cookie in your hand. That cookie is MINE!

Jake: (playing along) No, it's not! I'm gonna give it to my mom.

Mrs. B: Your mom! What's up with that?!

Jake: She doesn't have any teeth and this cookie is soft.

Mrs. B: (shocked, horrified) What?!

Jake: Well, she DOES have SOME bottom teeth...bye!

Students were given an assignment: Describe a mural you would paint at our school. Here is one student's answer...

At the top of the mural there would be UFOs INVADING EARTH! In the middle of the mural there would be George Washington heads all across it. And the background would just be comics and singing cats.

Allie: I'm tired. Can I go home?

Mrs. B: Sure.

Allie: (walks away, pauses, then turns back) I'm gonna have to borrow your car keys.

Mrs. B: I'm gonna have to say no.